Create a Loving and Harmonious Life
It’s important to remember that being single is just a role that you’re walking through. It may be temporary or it may be a lifestyle you choose. We all may play all kinds of roles during our lives: being single, a good employee, a wife, a husband, a lover, the loving friend, daughter, son, father, etc., but you are not any of those roles. You are an unlimited being of God.
Being single is a great opportunity to learn about yourself. You never have to fear relationships because you can be happy with or without a partner in your life.
Our culture seems to reinforce that “you are nobody til somebody loves you” and that being single means loneliness and rejection. You can live a fulfilling, loving and successful life on your own. You don’t need anyone or anything to give you approval. The key is to love yourself.
You are getting out of life exactly what you think you deserve. How you see the world is determined by how you think it is. Is it friendly and nurturing or stressful and difficult?
There is a Difference between Loneliness vs. Aloneness
Loneliness
Loneliness means there’s a lack, neediness and a feeling of separation from God and other people. Your energy is low and you feel disconnected and apart from the world around you and your true self. You’ll experience self-pitying thoughts, depression, lack of self-nurturing, self critical thoughts and a lack of trust of others and yourself. Your fears get magnified and you feel powerless and paralyzed from action.
Aloneness
Aloneness is feeling connected with God and full in yourself. You are at peace and happy with your life. You accept yourself with all your positive and negative qualities and can love others unconditionally also. You know that you can choose how you want to create your life and are empowered to keep what you like and change what you don’t like to create a positive future. You can laugh at yourself when you make a mistake and be humorous with yourself and others.
three areas to change from loneliness into aloneness
- Your Energy and Perception
- Thoughts
- Feelings (Learn more about analyzing your feelings)
Your Energy and Perception
To have the eyes to see and the ears to hear, you must commit to 20 minutes a day of daily meditation. There are no short cuts to raising your energy and gaining clarity unless you meditate. You need to close down and be pushing out white light and love to those people and situations you are having the most difficulty with. Listen to your dreams and keep a dream journal. Write down your dreams and work with the Dream Book to interpret them. Dreams come from your guidance advising you on how and where to make changes in your life that will help you increase your energy and change your perception.Thoughts
You need to listen to your thoughts on a daily basis and you’ll notice how much of your thinking is self-critical and negates your self esteem. 70% of man’s thinking is negative so we need to correct the outdated programs in our mental computer you’re telling it that you’re incompetent, unlovable and fearful, then you’ve just put your car in reverse or worse yet, into a muddy side ditch. By meditating 20 minutes a day it raises your energy so it becomes easier to hear what you’re thinking. Listen each day – all day long as an exercise – and as soon as you hear a negative thought, say “Cancel, cancel“. You may have to say “Cancel, cancel” all day long for weeks but keep it up. Then say or think a positive thought to replace the negative. Soon you will see a change.
For example, you’re given a new challenging project to do at work by your boss and you hear the thought, “I can’t do this! I have no training or talent to do what he wants!” Immediately say “Cancel, cancel” and say or mentally think, “I am accomplishing this new project effortlessly and easily.” Saying this may seem too simple, but over time, continuing to meditate, paying attention to your dreams and working with affirmations and visualizations and listening within, things will get easier.
Feelings
Feelings such as “Nobody loves me, I’ve been abandoned, self-pity, I’m not deserving, I’ve had a horrible past, lousy marriages, etc.” are ALL negative thoughts. You need to do similar thinking for your feelings that are detailed above in the thoughts section. Remember: Your feelings are a choice. They have no power over you unless you chose to make it so. We can’t change others nor can we make them give us the feelings of nurturing that we desire. We can ONLY change ourselves. For example, if you feel someone is trying to control or manipulate you, first look within and ask, “How am I giving over my power to this person? Am I playing a weak, needy role with them?” Then be sure to verbalize your feelings and needs. If you feel threatened make sure you are in a safe place. Learn more about Domestic Violence if you feel you are truly not in a safe place. Your lack of having your needs met on the outside is a reflection of the lack on the inside. You need to change the pattern of thinking in your mind that is playing the message, “I’m so lonely I could die.” Put effort into changing your thinking to be “The greatest love of all is happening to me.” Learn more about affirmations. Make growth fun. It doesn’t have to be hard work. You have a choice of what you feel. Your emotions are a choice. You are not your feelings. Choose what you like to feel instead of self pity and go out and nurture yourself. Do something positive for yourself. For example, go for a walk, create a garden, take a new class, read spiritually uplifting material – treat yourself as the best friend you’ve ever had. The more you radiate love, joy and peace within yourself, the more you attract the same to you in your relationships and business. Everybody loves a winner. Self love is the best present you have to offer God, yourself and the world.Work to Create a Loving and Harmonious Life
The way out of the darkness and old fears is to expose them to the light. We all think that no one else’s pain is as bad as our own. We can be self-obsessed with the repeated negative thinking run amok in our minds. We are all on the earth plane to learn about ourselves and make our mistakes (in order to learn). You wouldn’t be here if you were perfect. Some people are better actors and may seem like they have it all together with success and prestige but when they cross over their guidance wants to know what they did with their talents and abilities. Did they help mankind grow? We all need to get old negative thinking from our past up and out of our brains!Ways to Change
- Verbalize and share your past and present experiences (good and bad) with family, a friend or a growth-oriented, 12-step program, counselor or counseling group.
- Keep a diary. Write about your experiences and feelings.
- Write a letter to the guardian angel of the person you are having issues with or who is an overwhelming challenge in your life. Describe how you want it to be resolved so that you both “win.”
- List in a long column all of the major people who have been in your life – good and bad. Beside their name, put the positive lesson that you learned from them.
- Only have people around you who help you feel supported.
